It's amazing how when something sad happens in your life everything seems to be amplified and you notice pain all around you. I've come to discover that no matter how many upsetting things happen in your life.. if you're somehow unable to cope with even little problems because of a bigger problem it becomes really hard to deal with even everyday things. I've had a really hard day.. and for once.. all I want is to spill my feelings in hopes of somehow feeling better. It's been a hard summer, hard year, and it's just getting more difficult. My grandma died today.. and my dog got put down. I had a hard day at work.. got berated by my stupid manager and realized how much I hate it here... I'm feeling sorry for myself.. and I don't like it. But somehow.. my problems seem like the most important things in the world right now.. this sucks. I miss my roomates.. I need a roomie sleepover right about now to get my mind off things.

Vive La Montreal!!

Bonjour, greetings from the french capital of Canada!!! The weather is hazy but everything else is wonderful! From walking through the McGill Campus, to eating delicious greek food al fresco, BYOW (bring your own wine) style the first part of this spur of the moment Montreal trip has been great! Thanks to Kate and her lovely roomates, I'm sure there are even more great moments ahead. So this is then end of my first Montreal blog. Aurevoir.

Drama, Drama, Drama

Drama exists in many different forms. There's the drama you find in books and on tv, mostly fictional with a little bit of truth thrown in once in awhile. Then there's the drama at the world scale, wars, abuse, exploitation, etc. But the drama that really gets to you is the everyday little nitty gritty stuff. Take last night for example, two dramatic events both fairly close in location but two very different events. The first one, the larger scale one, 2 inmates escaped from the Warkworth Penitentiary and somehow managed to make there way over to Cobourg. This morning on my way to driving my sister to work we were stopped by police at a roadblock. We live near the lake and heard helicopters flying over our heads all night and all morning. In the effort to try and capture them a local cop was shot and killed. All this in 12 hours.. probably the most action that Cobourg has seen since the last major drug bust (which are rather frequent in the area).

The second drama was a little bit closer to me, 3 of my friends are in the middle of a feud, which of course doesn't mean that just the 3 people are affected.. oh no.. now I'm in the middle of it, because I refuse to take sides. So last night I went out with one friend only to be called a bunch of my other friends who wanted to go dancing. Of course, I had to make a decision of which friends to hang out with for the evening. Of course I chose dancing.. why?? because I was sick of sitting in a bar with my friend and her 2 cousins listening to them complaining about work all night, and about this so called "feud". Especially since the bar was filled with dirty old men and I was sick of the stares. Before I left however, I had to way the potential consequences of my actions. I knew that if I left, Friend A would be mad because I left her to hang out with Friends B,C etc. But if I stayed then I'd miss out on having fun and Friends B,C etc would be disappointed. Honestly people.. grow up.. fights shouldn't become feuds where people refuse to talk to other people. I feel like I'm in high school again. GET A GRIP!!

In the end, I left my grumpy friend, her cousins and the dirty men to go have fun with a bunch of my other friends, laugh at drunk skanks and bad dancers with a good friend and all was well. Tonight I'm going to have a girls night where we're going to watch sappy movies and make fancy drinks.. where of course there will yet again be more drama, but at least the drama will be fictional and the actors can deal with it. Also I have something to look forward to. I'm leaving DramaVille (aka Cobourg) for a big city on Monday. I'm taking the train to Montreal to escape for a few days and visit my darling exroomate Kate in her new digs!! I'm counting down the hours!! By the way, I really don't think that the death of a cop and my friends feuds compare.. I was just trying to show the magnitude of drama and how it affects us.. It was an awful situation and my thoughts are with his family.

Big Fish Living in a Small Pond

Been back in the burg for 2 weeks and already I feel as if I'm suffocating. It's been weird.. the dynamic of people here is so completely different from back in T.O. I'm back in the middle of the petty fighting.. dramatic relationship crises and so much more. Plus there's the running into ex's all over.. and getting drunk and making out with friends that is so characteristic of a small town. Not that random drunken hookups aren't typical in big cities.. but there's something different about small town hookups.. you know everyone, everyone knows you and indirectly everyone knows your business.

Anyways, I'm rambling. I have way too much time on my hands at the moment as I'm somewhat in between jobs. I had my summer perfectly planned way back in february, and somehow it has ended up being totally opposite my plans. My old summer job was nixed due to lack of organization and funding on the part of my employer which means I have been madly searching for a job, which shouldn't be that hard, but most employers have filled their student quotas. But in the end I found something, I'm working at a small Inn, which is actually a converted prison, as a fulltime housekeeper by day, and then working at a restaurant as a bartender at night. That's over 55 hours a week baby! But I desperately need money for next year so it's all good.

The only problem.. I have 2 weeks off at the restaurant, and my job at the Inn doesn't start til the May 24 weekend. So I'm at an impass.. what to do with my time.. I'm broke, I'm bored, and I'm being suffocated by this small town. Maybe a road trip is what I need.. where to go?? Anyone want to join?? It's hard being back under a roof with my parents and my sister.. I'm still not adjusted, maybe that explains why I'm still not unpacked. Or maybe I really do have too much stuff. My parents where away for most of the time that I've been back, but they came home which means my small world is getting even smaller.. It's very claustorphobic!! Eek save me.. this girl is turning into a bigger and bigger fish every day, and the pond is getting smaller every second. Well I'm escaping to Toronto tomorrow to help my sister unpack her art show exhibit. Maybe some nice tall buildings and the beautiful city air will make me feel just a bit better.

The only thing keeping me hopeful is knowing that this is the last summer I ever have to live here again. I'm moving back to Toronto, the real deal downtown, in September and never coming back.. besides occasional visits to the rents. I'm excited.. I'm counting the days, I can't wait to go back.. even to the school part! Yes.. that's right, I miss school. I think because I'm starting to care again.. and that is a beautiful thing.