Poetry and my continued love of words

The Garden of Love

I went to the Garden of Love,
And saw what I never had seen:
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
And Thou shalt not. writ over the door;
So I turn'd to the Garden of Love,
That so many sweet flowers bore.

And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tomb-stones where flowers should be:
And Priests in black gowns, were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars, my joys & desires.

By William Blake (From Songs of Experience)


Lately I've been thinking a lot about how much courage it takes to follow through with our dreams. I admire so much the people who are able to devote their lives to doing what they are most passionate about. I for one chose to cop out and follow something I'm good at rather then something I truly love.. am I missing out because of it? Or will my dreams be even stronger once I realize that I can't ignore them any longer.. who knows. All I know now is that something is missing in my life right now.. I don't know what that is, but for now I'll fill the void with poetry, music and art.. such beautiful inspirations. Also I'm trying my hardest to stop saying "like" in sentences as if it was a form of punctuation.. I need as much help as possible, so if you notice it, slap me, point it out, or make fun of me for it.. Please.. i want to stop!!!

P.S. TGRF- Thank God For Roomates, thanks girls..

Introspective, delerious and a newfound love of words

Been thinking a lot about change lately.. how I've changed.. how I'm changing.. how people around me have changed. It's been a hectic week.. month, but the most satisfying that I've had in a long time. For so long I've avoided 'thinking' because sometimes it is just too painful to reflect on my emotions. Today I realized I'm happy, I'm calm, I'm introspective.. without being joyful. I'm comfortable with being me.. with being alone. The fact that all I've had to think of lately is myself is good thing.. even though it's been a bad thing too. I used to think a lot about the idea of finding myself.. and how to do it... but its not about finding out who I am.. I don't need to find me.. I'm right here, it's more about becoming comfortable with my thoughts, my desires, and my actions. It's about finding beauty and inspiration in the way I think and perceive things around me. I realize that this year I've been incredibly selfish.. but it was completely legit. I used to spend so much of my energy caring about other people, the way they felt and the ways in which I could help them that I lost touch with the fact that I was falling apart internally. In comforting others I thought I was comforting myself. It was a temporary solution and it worked.. but when I became surrounded by people who thought about me without me asking them to do so, and I took some time for myself, I realized how big of a mask I was wearing.

I've been changing every day for the past 19 years.. and I know I will change every day of my life. It's scary, it's wonderful, it's frustrating.. it's life. I've found passion in it and I'm fully willing to accept it. I'm excited that every day is a new day. The next few months are going to be once again full of change, I'm going home soon, and then I'm going to move to a new city and to a new school where endless possibilities await and I can't wait to experience every one of them.. because if they're anything like the amazing adventures I've had this year then I'm the luckiest person around. While in this introspective mood, I'm taking full advantage of it, I just had a good chat with my roomate about how amazing it is to lose myself in the beauty of words.. the passion that can come out of the way a sentence is put together in so many ways, and so many interpretations. And the awe I feel when I realize that no matter what there are some feelings that can never quite be describe because they are so amazing. I'm so lucky that I have met the most interesting and inspiration people in my roomates.. this year has been so much more meaningful because of it and I know that I've got lifelong friends.. rather than acquaintances. Even though I'm leaving Scarborough because I'm not satisfied with my experience here, I know that one part of my life has been fulfilled so entirely because I came here.. and that's the greatest feeling ever!!!

Life is like a box of chocolates.. woah cliche time!!

So it's 9 am.. I watched the sunrise this morning, and I wish I could say it was because I woke up early.. but no, it's because I still haven't gone to sleep.. and won't until I get home from work at 6 pm this evening. It's been a crazy busy week.. I had my final test on thursday.. and a big essay due today, plus 3 more essays in the next 2 weeks!!! I figured I'd blog, since I haven't in awhile, and I needed a break. Its really nice and sunny out this morning, even though the news was calling for snow/rain today and tomorrow.. I'll enjoy it while it lasts, tomorrow's officially the first day of spring!! YAY!! Only 36 days left until summer vacation.. and they can't come soon enough. Well that's all for know.. most boring blog ever, but I have a lot to write about the last few weeks and just don't have the time right now to do so.. so maybe this weekend if I need a study break I'll take 15 and write a mega interesting blog...

Memories.. mezmerizing words... and Dancing Queens

Today has been full of pre exam procrastination, in fact it is now midnight, and I'm still not done studying. Oh well.. that's when I do my best work anyways.. late at night. I was deleting a bunch of old emails and word files today and I came across an old email from an ex that reminded me of why I find it so hard to trust people that I don't know... not that it's something I want to get into, but it made me think of how 3 amazing people came into my life a little over 6 months ago and somehow made me able to trust them so quickly.. I don't think I'm cured.. it just shows how great our relationship is. I have so much fun living where I do.. tonight my housemates and I started crazily dancing to funky music.. after having meaningful conversations.. ie. laughing at Saniyes grandma and the way she laughs.. or at least of Saniyes impression of her grandmother. I can't believe I'll only be living with these fabulous people for less than 2 months more.. then summer... well that's my tidbit for the night, its been a day full of quixotic bursts, dancing and new procrastination venues.. like theonion.com. I love that paper.. it makes me laugh even when its not really that funny.. but its still fantastic humour!! Yay.. praise to the onion!

6 Days and Counting

Thanks to good food and roomie bonding I feel much better.. and much stronger after a fantabulous ab workout this evening. Thanks to The Onion for making me laugh hilariously at funny political farces.. and same goes for the Daily Show with Jon Stewart.. nothing better than laughing with meaning. I know its a tired subject, but I realized again today just how much my roomates mean to me! They're the best friends a person could have, and just hanging out can be so much fun!! Add Sean, our honorary roomate and it's been a blast of a day. There's nothing more entertaining then our fanatical exercise routines, note passing in economics, fantabulous outfit planning, eating fantastic food that one of the roomies cooks up, or spotting hot boys around campus or looking out the kitchen window (its been a GREAT day for that one) !! Knobville F6 is the coolest place to be and no one can say anything differently. Yay for next week, so many fun events mixed in with a couple of exams!! I can do it!! Just takes a little extra studying effort, and hitting the gym to get ready to look sexier then ever b4 for thursday night!!

How did it come to this?

For the first time in my life.. I actually wish that I believed in something.. had such a blind faith that when things go wrong.. I'd have somewhere to turn for comfort. I just spent the last 2 hours, constantly being reminded of something really painful.. such a random act of watching a movie that had something in it that reminded me of being hurt should've made me feel as upset as I've been lately.. and instead.. I felt nothing, I don't know whether thats worse, or better... Damn.. the worst part.. I don't care about anything much lately.. I've become so selfish, I don't care about my responsiblities.. and it isn't me who's suffering.. but it's the fact that people trust in me to do something.. and I just can't.. because I don't want to.. and I can barely do what I enjoy.. so doing mediocre tasks is the hardest part of them all. All I have left to say is.. nothing at all.