Introspective, delerious and a newfound love of words

Been thinking a lot about change lately.. how I've changed.. how I'm changing.. how people around me have changed. It's been a hectic week.. month, but the most satisfying that I've had in a long time. For so long I've avoided 'thinking' because sometimes it is just too painful to reflect on my emotions. Today I realized I'm happy, I'm calm, I'm introspective.. without being joyful. I'm comfortable with being me.. with being alone. The fact that all I've had to think of lately is myself is good thing.. even though it's been a bad thing too. I used to think a lot about the idea of finding myself.. and how to do it... but its not about finding out who I am.. I don't need to find me.. I'm right here, it's more about becoming comfortable with my thoughts, my desires, and my actions. It's about finding beauty and inspiration in the way I think and perceive things around me. I realize that this year I've been incredibly selfish.. but it was completely legit. I used to spend so much of my energy caring about other people, the way they felt and the ways in which I could help them that I lost touch with the fact that I was falling apart internally. In comforting others I thought I was comforting myself. It was a temporary solution and it worked.. but when I became surrounded by people who thought about me without me asking them to do so, and I took some time for myself, I realized how big of a mask I was wearing.

I've been changing every day for the past 19 years.. and I know I will change every day of my life. It's scary, it's wonderful, it's frustrating.. it's life. I've found passion in it and I'm fully willing to accept it. I'm excited that every day is a new day. The next few months are going to be once again full of change, I'm going home soon, and then I'm going to move to a new city and to a new school where endless possibilities await and I can't wait to experience every one of them.. because if they're anything like the amazing adventures I've had this year then I'm the luckiest person around. While in this introspective mood, I'm taking full advantage of it, I just had a good chat with my roomate about how amazing it is to lose myself in the beauty of words.. the passion that can come out of the way a sentence is put together in so many ways, and so many interpretations. And the awe I feel when I realize that no matter what there are some feelings that can never quite be describe because they are so amazing. I'm so lucky that I have met the most interesting and inspiration people in my roomates.. this year has been so much more meaningful because of it and I know that I've got lifelong friends.. rather than acquaintances. Even though I'm leaving Scarborough because I'm not satisfied with my experience here, I know that one part of my life has been fulfilled so entirely because I came here.. and that's the greatest feeling ever!!!