How did it come to this?

For the first time in my life.. I actually wish that I believed in something.. had such a blind faith that when things go wrong.. I'd have somewhere to turn for comfort. I just spent the last 2 hours, constantly being reminded of something really painful.. such a random act of watching a movie that had something in it that reminded me of being hurt should've made me feel as upset as I've been lately.. and instead.. I felt nothing, I don't know whether thats worse, or better... Damn.. the worst part.. I don't care about anything much lately.. I've become so selfish, I don't care about my responsiblities.. and it isn't me who's suffering.. but it's the fact that people trust in me to do something.. and I just can't.. because I don't want to.. and I can barely do what I enjoy.. so doing mediocre tasks is the hardest part of them all. All I have left to say is.. nothing at all.